


To love somebody hopelessly

by justonemoremiraclesherlock



Series: Not enough [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:22:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justonemoremiraclesherlock/pseuds/justonemoremiraclesherlock
Summary: He knew he was being stupid. He trusted Derek, and he knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t have taken their relationship further if he hadn’t been truly interested. But it was hard to keep his insecurities at bay, sometimes, especially when he remembered that Derek had only promised to try, and maybe the reason he didn’t want anyone to know was because he was trying to keep his options open.His greatest fear was not Derek realizing he couldn’t love him back. It was Derek realizing he simply didn’twantto.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Not enough [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189409
Comments: 6
Kudos: 162





	To love somebody hopelessly

They hadn’t been dating for long, was the thing. It had only been three months since Stiles let it slip to Derek how he felt, since they started actually _dating_ , and things had been good. Really good, in fact. They actually _cuddled_ now, and not just after sex —although laying in Derek’s arms after being fucked into the mattress had been almost as pleasurable as the fucking itself, not that he’d ever tell Derek that. They talked more (or at least they tried, considering neither of them excelled at communication), about their relationship, and the future, and they were finally past being silent during sex. They were both more willing to tell each other what they wanted in bed, to express what they were feeling, after holding back for so long. Stiles thought he would never get tired of Derek whispering endearments into his neck, or of telling Derek how much he loved having him inside him, how much he loved _him_.

There was only one issue that still loomed over their heads, only one topic that seemed to be off-limits.

The secrecy.

Derek had asked to take things slow, and Stiles had agreed, thinking Derek would need a couple of weeks to get comfortable with their new dynamic. But as timed passed, and Derek gave no indication of wanting the pack to know about them, Stiles started to wonder if their relationship had _really_ changed, or if they’d just slapped on a new label to their previous ‘mutually beneficial agreement’. Not even his dad knew, although from the looks he’d been getting, he probably suspected something was up, but his dad hadn’t brought the topic up with him yet.

Stiles knew he was being stupid. He trusted Derek, and he knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t have taken their relationship further if he hadn’t been truly interested. But it was hard to keep his insecurities at bay, sometimes, especially when he remembered that Derek had only promised to try, and maybe the reason he didn’t want anyone to know was because he was trying to keep his options open.

The idea that Derek could one day decide that their relationship wasn’t worth fighting for, that _Stiles_ wasn’t worth fighting for, was all-consuming. It felt almost suffocating on the days they had to act in front of the pack, pretend like they could still barely stand talking to each other, and not even Derek kissing him in silent apology and holding him throughout the night could make it go away, sometimes.

His greatest fear was not Derek realizing he couldn’t love him back. It was Derek realizing he simply didn’t _want_ to.

* * *

They were at another pack meeting, when Erica popped the question.

Stiles was sitting as far from Derek as he could get, wishing nothing more than to be able to slide up to him, and rest a hand on his leg, or run his fingers through his hair, like they’d have done if they were alone. Instead, he had to contend himself with sitting on his own hands, with the pretense of stopping his constant fidgeting, as to not be tempted to break their little charade.

“So, are you going on that date or not? I promise you'll like her; she’s in the know about the supernatural and everything.”

“Erica, will you give it a rest?” Derek let out a long-suffering sigh, crossing his arms in an effort to intimidate her into backing down. “I told you, I’m not interested in dating _anyone_.”

Even though Stiles knew Derek was lying, the comment still stung. It was probably a good thing he’d began wearing a scent blocker when he started sleeping with Derek, or the pack would have found out about them immediately. He’d never been all that good at hiding how he felt, and there was no way his reaction would have gone unnoticed around a group of nosy werewolves with no sense of privacy.

“Dude, come on, it’s only one date,” Isaac piped up. “Give it a go, and if it doesn’t go well, we’ll back off. Promise.”

Derek closed his eyes, nostrils flaring —a clear sign he was asking for patience, as he tended to do when dealing with the betas—, and answered, “One date. And then all of you will _stay out of my business_.”

Stiles thought he could hear the rest of the pack celebrating, and teasing Derek about his date with the _totally hot woman, Derek, seriously, you’ll love her_ , but he could barely hear it above the roaring in his ears.

He wondered if this was what heartbreak felt like.

* * *

After the meeting was over, Derek asked him to stay behind with the excuse of helping him research something for the Bestiary. He was tempted to ignore him and walk out of the loft, but Derek seemed to predict his thoughts and closed the door as soon as the rest of the pack had left, leaning against it to keep him in the room.

“You’re upset,” Derek said, getting straight to the point.

It was times like this when he really hated how well Derek could read him, even without his werewolf senses. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He moved towards him, and tried to grab the handle, but Derek refused to budge. “I need to get home, dude, so if you don’t mind—”

In a blink, Derek had grabbed him at the waist, and spun them around until Stiles’ back was the one pressed against the door.

Derek loomed over him, hands clenched on his hoodie, and moved closer until there was no space between them. “I don’t understand why you’re upset. You know I couldn’t care less about that date; I’m just trying to get the others off my back—”

“Yeah, I know, God forbid they find out you’re already in a relationship, right? Wouldn’t want them to get any expectations for something that’s not going to last in the first place.”

Stiles felt Derek tense up against him.

Well, _shit_.

“Is that so? If you’re already considering breaking up, then come out and say it. No need to use the fake date as an excuse.”

“ _I’m_ the one considering breaking up? Oh, that’s rich, buddy.” Stiles’ throat went tight, but he choked out the next words anyway, knowing there was no going back anymore. “ _You_ are the one that’s so desperate to keep this a secret, that you’re willing to go on a date with a random woman just so no one will suspect anything. And _you_ are the one who made it clear you would only _try_ to make this work, so if you’re already getting an itch to go check out what better options you have available—"

Derek cut him off with a growl, eyes bleeding a deep red, and pressed their mouths together. Stiles could feel Derek’s claws pressing into his waist, not breaking the skin, but deep enough to leave a mark, and he kissed Dereck back desperately, ignoring the wetness in his eyes and the lump that had taken residence in his throat.

When they stopped for breath, Derek kept close, foreheads touching, and whispered against Stiles’ lips, “There are no better options, Stiles. It’s just you.”

“But—”

“I didn’t want to kept this quiet because I was unsure. I thought telling everyone else would be too much pressure, and I didn’t want there to be a fallout if we didn’t work out, or… or if you realized it wasn’t worth it to wait for me.”

“You,” Stiles said, bumping their noses together so Derek would look him in the eye, “are an idiot. What part of ‘I love you’ did you not understand?”

“That’s _exactly_ my point. I’m not there yet, and it’s not fair to keep you waiting—”

“I don’t mind the waiting, Derek. What bothers me is having to lie to our friends about our relationship as if it didn’t mean anything. And what scares me is you realizing, after everything, that it’s not about you not being able to love again, but about you not being able to love _me_.”

“And you say I’m the idiot.” Stiles couldn’t help but snort in response. “Just because it’s taking me longer, it doesn’t mean I’m not getting there. I don’t regret being with you, Stiles. I don’t think I ever could.”

“Well. Good.”

Derek raised an eyebrow, and used the pad of his finger to dry the moisture in the corner of Stiles’ eye. “Good.”

“So now that that’s cleared up,” Stiles said, clearing his throat, “I’m going to go into the bedroom and get naked, and _you_ are going to text Erica and tell her to cancel your date. You have one minute, or I’m starting without you.”

It only took Derek thirty seconds, but Stiles had already been touching himself by the time he joined him in bed. He was such a shit.

Maybe they weren’t on the same page, not yet, but Derek knew it wouldn’t be long. He couldn’t imagine a future without Stiles by his side, and as much as it terrified him, he knew what he’d told Stiles had been true. He didn’t regret being with him.

He didn’t think he could ever regret anything when it came to Stiles.

* * *

When they came clean to the pack the next day, everyone admitted they had figured it out three weeks ago, and the dating plot had been a sure-fire way to get them to confess. And it had been the _sheriff’s_ idea.

Stiles almost regretted telling them the truth.

 _Almost_.


End file.
